


Fragments of Personality

by Redacted_Identification



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, Pining, Ruminations, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-21 10:42:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21073574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redacted_Identification/pseuds/Redacted_Identification
Summary: Caleb Widogast knows exactly who he is and what he needs to do, but certain individuals disagree with him, inside and out.





	Fragments of Personality

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction and first published work. I love the cast of Critical Role and their story-telling. As a novice writer I couldn't help myself and see if I could do some of my favorite characters a tad bit of justice. 
> 
> Please be gentle.

Caleb never told the rest about his dream. There never was a need to. The Calebs he saw spanned different timelines and realities. To confuse the group with such nonsense would be inefficient and pointless. What also made Caleb hesitate to share was the versions he recognized in his current timeline. Cursed with a near perfect memory Caleb dissected what he saw once again as he sat in the library of Xhorhaus

There was Junge, walking with a phantom of Father after a hard day of farming. From how they walked it seemed that the two would go fishing or hunting. Junge excited, was bouncing with joy even though he was exhausted. Father himself wore a faint smile at his son, knowing he was already destined to be great. Junge was loving, innocent and naïve. 

The next face he remembered was Bren Vollstrecker. Full of conviction, loyalty, swagger and intelligence Bren strode with purpose through the vision. His smirk at the peasants and degenerates that surrounded him evident on his face. 

Next was the only other Caleb which did not move: Geduldig. The man did move, but shook in his threadbare smock. Muttering over and over again. Lost and alone: scared. Caleb missed Gedulig in his own way and when he came back every once in awhile Caleb was partially relieved. For Geldudig was constant, never wavering in his memory. 

Then there was just Caleb surrounded by versions of himself which could belong to any timeline or reality. Too many were smiling and standing upright to be him in the future, however. Caleb knew his future would not be present for his time was limited.  
Caleb brought his attention back to the present in the study. He stared down at the book closed on the table. He was certain it contained the answer to his problem. He could go back and fix it.  
All of it. 

There would be no Junge, no Bren Vollstrecker, and no Geduldig.

"You are weak, Caleb Widowgast, if I had met you I would have put you down for just being such a pathetic worm on principle." Bren sneered at him.  
Those faces he recognized were not just visions, but part of Caleb as he was right now. Caleb could call on any one of them at any given moment. Bren was always present for when he needed to put a schwächling in place. Like the poor ships carpenter who witnessed the deaths of his friends. “I’m tired...but I can get to work“ Caleb shutters.

"I want to see mother and father again. It’s been so long. I’m tired and want to go home." Junge battled Bren.  
Junge was the smallest personality Caleb had that lived in his head. He only existed for a short while, but his innocence and respect for others came to the front when Caleb was embarrassed or scared. When the impropriety of his comrades made his cheeks flush with color. A certain tiefling enters into his thoughts. Caleb blinks and forces her out of his head. Junge was overly fond of Jester which Caleb could not allow. He did not deserve such kindness. 

Then Geduldig just sits in the back of his mind always present always watching. He shows himself now and again when Caleb strikes down an enemy in too familiar of fashion. He steps forward punishing Bren, reminding Caleb, and terrifying Junge. WE ARE ALONE. WE DESERVE HATE, LOATHING. WE ARE WEAK. WE KILLED THEM. WE KILLED THEM. WE ARE ALONE. WE DESER... on repeat until Nott/Veth or Beau brings Caleb back to the present. 

These fragments of Caleb argue and bicker in his head as he stares at his salvation/damnation on the table. The book is the key to achieving his ultimate goal. Not for himself, but for his family. Caleb deserves every pain, scar and ache, but his parents... they were just pawns in a very big game. 

But

If he goes forward there might be no going back. Time-travel is complex and the effects of which are unknown. He might not be able to return. Abandoning Jes...the Nein would have been easier months ago, but now...

Junge is happy.

Bren feels passion again. 

Geldudig is pacified.

Caleb is broken.

"Hey Caaayleeb, dinner is ready..."Jester is leaning against his studies' door frame. "Put up that smut book. There is time for that later." She waggles her eyebrows at him. Junge forces Caleb to blush. 

He looks down at the book. Time enough to decide later.

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully I can continue to expand on this work. Please feel free to comment and offer criticism (or dare I say compliments?)


End file.
